


The Blood I Bled

by shimzus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Arranged Marriage, F/M, Game of Thrones AU, it doesn't get dirty yet but there's some nasty talk in there somewhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23188831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shimzus/pseuds/shimzus
Summary: Endgame TanaKiyo in a Game of Thrones AU.Please forgive any mistakes I may have made -- it's been about a year since I read the GoT books, so I may make some mistakes. That being said, I did adapt a few things to suit this story better, so I'm not trying to fully restrain the story to GoT... there's a bit of wiggle room.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Shimizu Kiyoko, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Kudos: 8





	1. 1

For all his rebellious behavior, Tanaka Ryuunosuke felt as though his father would never arrange a marriage for him. The sturdy man was always saying that immaturity would be met with swift punishment, and that boys who hadn’t learned to grow up would never be treated as men. In some ways he was right – Tanaka always felt as though he was looked down upon by the maesters and guards he’d met with. They spoke to him as if he were still a child and offered him help in tasks he knew he could accomplish alone. At one point, he’d even been passed a “snack” by the kitchen staff, as if he were a five-year-old who could not control his own hunger. In instances like this, Tanaka found himself snapping angrily at others and trying to discover ways to prove his own strength.

Being rebellious was characteristic of a boy his age, and it was because of this reason that Tanaka told himself he could afford to be reckless sometimes.

That manifested itself in many ways, including picking unnecessary fights he was always sure to win because of his high birth, stealing wine and ale from the kitchen when he wasn’t supposed to, and even taking the horses on rides unaccompanied. It might have been dangerous, but Tanaka was always sure of himself, and in any case there was hardly anyone else who would dare travel the endless desert just to catch lost travelers. The sand was vast and endless. Bandits would never be certain they could catch someone.

And of course, like any young man being preened for his role as the next Lord of Hellholt, he received swift punishment for these actions from his lord father. 

“It doesn’t make you brave or glorious,” he would always say. The look of disappointment in his eyes reminded Tanaka of his mother sometimes – how her eyes seemed to dim and grow solemn. “It makes you a fool, Ryuunosuke. You are not ready.”

Tanaka felt himself ready enough. In Dorne, he had won numerous tournaments already, against far more experienced knights. His youthful fire and energy garnered him victory upon victory, which also bolstered his ego. With a solid foundation of success beneath him, Tanaka was unafraid of the world beyond the barricades of Hellholt. In fact, he welcomed it with a grin and a tightened grip on his sword. The more adventure, the better.

Perhaps it was the town drunkards that had ignited this desire in him. Many had been travelers and traders before they resigned themselves to a life of drinking alone in taverns. They told him tales of lands far away; when he was younger, they began with the strange foods, creatures, and customs of other cities. By the time he had grown a bit more, the stories were of war and vicious battle. They spared no expense describing some of the most expensive and beautiful armor they had seen, including helms that had been sculpted into the snarling muzzles of beasts both alive and of legend. And now, as a boy almost grown a man, the stories had begun to include more about women with ample tits and hips, and of things they could do with their mouths that would make a man spill over himself before he could even enter her. 

To say the least, all of these things excited Tanaka. He was certain that he would have his opportunity to go out and seek glory for himself before he would have to take up his role as lord, and that excitement gave him the vigor to train harder and harder. By the time he finally turned seventeen, his sword was as sharp and deadly as any knighted man’s was, and twice as powerful. He thought about severing head from shoulders in one fell swoop and being able to lift the head high as a trophy of his strength. However, he had been told by his trainer never to be distracted in battle, as it could be his head that was next. Plenty of soldiers had found themselves too far in the pride of their victories that they missed the arrow shooting straight for their heart, or the axe swinging just behind their head.

In a show of dedication, and to prove a point, Tanaka had shaven his head the next afternoon, when he knew he would be meeting with his trainer. With his chin held up and a glint in his eye, he marched to the training point proudly. His trainer had raised an eyebrow at the new appearance of his young lord, and Tanaka simply answered, “They cannot grab me by the hair in battle, now.”

Since then, his hair had remained the same. Tanaka was certain it would help him in battle, and there was something particularly masculine about the look that attracted him, as well. It made him feel like a man fully grown, and a handsome one at that.

However, his plans to showcase his battle prowess had been cruelly interrupted the day his father beckoned him to his seat in the great hall and informed him of a plan that had been hatched behind his back. Thinking back to it even this day lit a fire in Tanaka’s chest and angered him beyond anything he had ever felt before. 

“Ryuunosuke,” his father said in the characteristic, deep voice that he had. The man looked very little like Tanaka, besides his eyes which were sharp, narrow, and had a devilish quality to them one might never be able to place. Otherwise, the man was the pinnacle of stoicism, and a prime example for all lords. Broad in shoulder and chest and toned of muscle from his neck all the way down to his calves. He had long hair grown out over the years, pulled back into a tight knot at the back of the head. Although he acted young and strong for his age, gray hairs had already started sprouting atop his head, and deep-set lines were visible at the corners of his eyes and in his forehead. On top of that, he frowned nearly all the time. Tanaka could not, in fact, recall even one time he had seen his father come close to smiling. Even now, the man’s lips were set into a flat, emotionless line. “I have some important matters to discuss with you that could not wait. In regards to your life…”

The way his voice trailed off made Tanaka slightly uneasy. In themselves, the words may have given him hope. They could preview his father’s plans for an upcoming battle campaign in which Tanaka would ride at the head, or a diplomatic voyage to a nearby city. He had never been so far outside of Hellholt as long as he could remember, because of the dangers the desert landscape posed to those travelling on horseback.

All of the men in his family tree had been skilled warriors, sent off on their first battles around his age or even younger. It was considered somewhat of a rite of passage for the House Tanaka, and signified a boy reaching adulthood. He would leave the tall, dark walls of Hellholt to some minor skirmish nearby and collect enough lives that he might remember them for the rest of his life. Although it was a dark practice, preying on smaller clans and rebel groups instead of a full war, the way of his house was to wash childhood out with blood. It killed any ounce of innocence left over, and left men with only nightmares and scars for the future.

Tanaka was bloodthirsty for it and could feel his tongue begin to swell in his mouth at the exciting prospect that it was his time to fight. Finally, he would be sent out and would return home as a full man.

“Yes, father? Will I finally be leaving Hellholt?” he asked, fighting back a smile. He had been told never to show his childish emotions when discussing serious matters. To hide them and present a neutral, unreadable look was always the best. But it was plainly obvious he was excited – anyone who had known him long enough could have surmised as much. 

“Ah, yes,” his father answered, his large hands smoothing the robes that lay against his thighs. “Since you’ve come of a reasonable age for a young man, it only seemed that this was the right timing. And recently, the crown has come under pressure of a potential civil attack…”

This is it, Tanaka thought to himself. He would be sent out to protect the capital of Westeros against the oncoming attack. It was a perfect chance to prove his valor in battle, and he felt himself subconsciously lean forward as he stood. This was much bigger than trying to handle any skirmish in Dorne, but a real war – a big war. He might even be knighted before he turned eighteen if he performed well and could be recognized by the crown. 

“This stresses the importance of alliances, as you know. We have to ensure that the kingdom does not fall into disarray and return to its original state of battling territories.”

“Eh?” Tanaka caught himself before he could make any further sounds. He didn’t understand the babbling about alliances and history, but sure of himself and his father, the announcement that he would be sent into battle would come soon enough.

“At the suggestion and the guidance of the crown, I’ve agreed to a marriage alliance between my only son and the only daughter of the Lady of the Vale. She’s merely a year older than you, and from what I’ve heard quite beautiful, so the match should work well,” his father stated with a nod, looking very sure of himself.

In contrast, Tanaka felt as though his heart might break. It was never a battle. It was merely some political alliance he would be forced into against his will, just before the years of his life that he could afford to spend outside Hellholt, in battles and brothels and bars alike. This would only rope him down to Hellholt longer – a wife required attention, constantly. Would she boss him around? Would he have to keep her bed every night? It felt like a sentence to the Night’s Watch, only less cold. But the permanence would remain – by law, they would be wed until one of their deaths, and any child he did not have by her would become a bastard. It would reflect poorly on him, as well, as the Lord of Hellholt. All the loose ends would need to be tied up and kept proper, as his father always had. Nothing could be out of place.

Tanaka’s mouth felt dry as he tried to object, “Father… I—”

“I understand this is not what you want, son, but I cannot dispute with the crown. You will understand when you’re older, but when I say that it was at the suggestion of the king, I do mean that it was an order.”

“It must be…?”

“You must, unless you want to be labeled as a traitor of the kingdom,” came the compassionless response. “Your marriage would have been arranged regardless, but the timing of this one was critical. I would have preferred to match you with a daughter of Dorne, but for some reason, the king felt that the Vale may be risky to pass up now.”

Tanaka could not even place the Vale on a map. He knew it was not in Dorne, certainly – it was far, far north of here. But if presented with a map in this instant, he was not confident that he would know where the Vale was supposed to sit. Not only would he be forced into a marriage at the prime of his life, but he was also set to marry a girl from a minor, unimpressive hold. 

“I understand how you must feel,” his father continued, and Tanaka grit his teeth. He had no idea. “Your mother and I were originally arranged, but we found common ground, as I am certain you will, too.”

He was not certain of anything. How could he know? Had he met this girl before? “Beautiful” meant nothing, if it came with a ball and chain to hold him here. She could have a limp, or a nasty temper. Any number of things that would cause Tanaka undue misery after their marriage. He recalled a tale from one of the tavern-goers a few moons ago: a young man who thought he had found the love of his life, until he had married her. At first, she was as pure and lovely as any girl, and she had done everything right to garner his affections. But after they were married, the “act” stopped, and she grew cold and mean. She refused to lie with him, citing her poor disposition or a cold. She scolded him for leaving the house too long or too often. She was even cruel with the children that lived just next door to them.

Would he also marry a tormenter? Tanaka wondered. Before he could think of more tales and potential faults, his father spoke again. This time, it was a declaration.

“Ryuunosuke, I will see you wed. The ceremony will be held in Hellholt, but I am sending you to the Vale to meet your betrothed and escort her south. You will leave by the next moon, so please pack your belongings and travel swiftly.”

It could not be avoided, but Tanaka was filled with dread nonetheless.

\----

It took months to eventually reach the Vale, and by the time he did, Tanaka was in a foul mood. His ass had hardened from the ride in the saddle, and his tongue grown sick of bland, spiceless northern food. He longed for a rest, a respite, and perhaps a good fight. 

Initially, the travel had been exciting. Despite his circumstances, Tanaka looked forward to exploring the world beyond Dorne. From what he had heard, it would be full of wonders. However, after the first month it lost its flare and he felt ready to turn back.

Escaping in the middle of the night might work, he guessed. The guards were not heavy, and if he needed to he was certain he could just say that he needed to piss and sneak off. But he didn’t have the map with him, and spending nights out alone in the woods wasn’t favorable in his mind. He also thought he might be able to exert his influence on a few of the party members, boasting about his position and potentially even threatening them with his longsword, but the chance of being reported was even higher there. In his head, Tanaka devised hundreds of plans to escape, even as they travelled further from Hellholt by each passing day. And when the wear of travel eventually got to him, his plans seemed as foolish as a child’s.

What if he released all the hounds and horses and had the guards chase after them? Silly.

If he started a fire? Reckless.

And if he faked his own death? He’d be discovered in an instant. 

He was forced to endure, although every fiber of his being screamed out against this. He felt like a bird trapped in a cave – like the ravens they used to send messages – he could call out, but it sounded like nothing more than a dry caw and he would never be taken seriously. Even so, he couldn’t escape at all. The bars of the cage bound him in and kept him in his place. Unless he died or had to do his duty as the messenger of an important note, he would never leave it. 

Thus, he would have to fulfill his duty. He must reach the Vale, meet that girl, and return home. In his heart, he hoped she might put an end to it herself. Maybe she was in the same boat as him, and already plotting her escape. Would she do something so drastic as try to kill herself in an effort to escape an arranged marriage? By the time he’d arrive at the Eyrie, she’d already be gone, and he would have to look upon her cold, blank face and pretend that he was a broken man. How beautiful she would have been… I’m deeply hurt that I wasn’t able to have her hand. He’d go through all the ministrations befitting the death of a high born lady, but in the end still be free.

That didn’t seem likely. They had not received any message while in procession to the Vale, so Tanaka could assume that the girl was in good health. At least, she had been within the past week, since they’d moved on from large cities and were staying in smaller, unknown inns now. Tanaka didn’t particularly like the landscape of the Vale. It felt dreary and sad, even though in the lowlands they had seen lush green grass and moss all over the place. But as soon as they had reached the Eyrie – the capital of the region – things became gray and dim.

It was made worse when they began their ascent to the top of the Eyrie. They were forced to travel up a steep, rocky mountain path atop mountain goats who were more sure of their footing than horses. They passed three waycastles on their way up, named Stone, Snow, and Sky. Tanaka stifled a chuckle at the names, thinking they were silly when he first heard them. But even his humor could not stop the dread he felt while balanced on the back of a goat hundreds of meters in the air. One misstep on the craggy rocks of the mountain face would send him tumbling to his death. It would be a painful one, too – one in which he fell and would smash against the rocky bottom, limbs twisted and broken, bones probably protruding. He’d had enough injuries while training to know he didn’t like pain, but nothing so great as being smashed from a great fall. 

Tanaka turned his eyes upward and tried to ignore the sight below him. In hours, he would probably meet her. Trapped between a painful death below and a caged life above, he sat with blank eyes upon his goat and wished himself somewhere else.

\------

The high hall of the Eyrie was splendid. Tanaka did not have much of an eye for architectural feats himself, but after having climbed the entirety of the way up to the top of the Eyrie he did admit that it was an interesting location. The climb had taken nearly all day, such that by the time they reached the top and were greeted by attendants, it was already dark outside. 

It would be impossible for an invader to reach anyone in the Eyrie. As soon as the guards in one castle saw unfamiliar soldiers, they could easily fend them off from the next settlement by bow and arrow, and if that failed, there was another settlement even further ahead. To overcome all three while simultaneously balancing on the narrow trails would be impossible. By the time they could even reach the top, as Tanaka just had, they would be exhausted.

Thankfully, he and his men were given some time to rest before meeting anyone. Tanaka silently thanked the gods, feeling as though the shaking in his knees wouldn’t stop for another hour. He told himself that he was now on solid ground, in a much more secure position than he had been this morning, but each time he glanced out a window there was a painful reminder of just how high and precarious he stood. 

He and some of his higher-ranking officers were shown to guest suites in the northern wing of the castle. They seemed completely untouched when they entered, and it made Tanaka wonder whether or not the Eyrie received frequent visitors. He would assume not, solely based on the location, but he could never be sure. Perhaps the staff were just exceptionally skilled cleaners, and could make the beds, rugs, and fireplaces look as though they had never been used before.

Tanaka himself, as the proclaimed “guest of honor,” was given a larger and more substantial room. His belongings had been moved up to the castle by way of pulley far before him, and they were waiting in trunks on the floor. A small fire had started, and he could not resist the urge to sit on the floor near it, warming himself up. A chair stood only feet away from him, but Tanaka had always liked resting on the floor when he had the chance. It made him feel somewhat like a child again, playing with his toys and relaxing without a care. It also felt more secure. Feeling the solid earth beneath him was reassuring, when it seemed as though everything else in his life was an unknown. For the hour or so that he was left to his own in his room, sat on the floor, Tanaka tried to ignore the creeping unknown.

He would meet his betrothed soon, and it may change everything.

He dressed himself in attire more suitable for the climate. In the North, it was expected to be cold, but Tanaka had never felt cold such as this before. He selected himself a pair of thick slacks lined with wool, a heavy tunic and fur-lined robe atop it. Even so, bundled up comically large, he still shivered, and when he breathed, he could see the faint wisps of it. He shook in the shoulders again but was not sure if it was because of the temperature or the Eyrie guard – the harbinger -- who came to his door to escort him to the dining hall.

That, too, was impressive. The ceiling was high and vaulted, carved from the light stone of the mountain, and from it hung great iron chandeliers topped with many small candles. Luxurious tapestries spilled down the walls like deep blue waterfalls, each decorated with the sigil of House Shimizu. 

Before he had left, Tanaka’s maester made sure that he knew everything about the house he would be marrying with. They had kept the Vale for hundreds of years – a strong yet quiet line of intelligent leaders. Their battle prowess was not in Tanaka’s taste, but even he had to admit that the knights looked sturdy and sure of themselves when he first entered the Eyrie. Their way of war was not to directly attack. Rather, they defended from a distance with the use of bows and arrows, spears, and shields. Their castle had never been overrun – a feat which many other lords could not boast. Even Tanaka’s own family had come into power little less than one hundred years ago, after forcibly taking Hellholt in battle. In comparison, the House Shimizu was long standing and wise.

He was advised not to engage in debates with them, as he would surely lose. At that, Tanaka could not help but to scoff. He was a physical person, not someone who would waste time with words. In the end, the true judge of a man’s character came from his actions. If he started a war, that was more telling than what he had said after a glass of wine at the dinner table. 

The more he learned about House Shimizu, the less pleased he became. It seemed as if he would never get along with his wife. If she was the same as her family, he didn’t have much hope. They would probably disagree often, and view the world differently. Not to mention, their homes were two vastly different places – his was hot, fiery, and unforgiving while hers was cold, solid, and justified. She must be the same.

Tanaka took his seat towards the head of the table, in a large wooden chair with a high back. It wasn’t terribly comfortable, but after months on horseback and an ass hardened by saddle burn, he’d take it well enough. He spent a few moments adjusting himself, what with the unfamiliar cloak he had had to wear just to keep warm, and when his lead officer gave him a questioning look, Tanaka splayed his legs wide and leaned his back against the chair comfortably. It was best to show his strength and pride, he thought. A man’s posture was supposed to tell everything about him. A strong man stood – and even sat – proud and comfortably. A weaker man would hunch over in fear, cowering in on himself.

Tanaka was not a weak man. 

But his knees snapped shut as soon as he saw her, and if he had been standing, he may have even felt himself drop to the ground before her.

She was an average height, but beyond that no other part of her was what Tanaka would consider “just average.” Her hair was mid-length, black as night, and more luxurious than anything he’d ever seen before. It shined like clear water, cascading over her shoulder in a single braid. Her eyes were a pale blue-gray, much like the fog and clouds that shrouded the Vale, but these had a certain clarity to them. Tanaka had hated the weather in the Vale, denouncing it as murky and sad, but her eyes were different. They were piercing and enrapturing, in such stark contrast to the color of her hair and the paleness of her skin. 

And her figure made him suck in a narrow breath. She was farther filled out than any other woman he knew, with a sizable breast, narrow waist, and wide hips. Even sheltered beneath her own robes, Tanaka’s hungry young eyes could see as much. He was a healthy young man, and after months on the road, seeing a woman that wasn’t missing teeth or pimpled and gray serving him ale was a welcome sight. In comparison to all the tavern maids and innkeepers, she was a true lady.

He watched her glide gracefully across the floor of the dining hall, her skirts sweeping softly around her legs. He was captivated, his eyes glued to her every movement, and by the time she had drifted to her seat at the table and given him a low bow, Tanaka thought his eyes might have been crossed from focusing so deeply on her.

“My lord,” she spoke softly, in almost a whisper. Even her voice was feminine – light and delicate, but with the poise and intonation of a girl from high birth. Everything about her had been cultured and shaped perfectly, such that even Tanaka was surprised she had not been married off sooner. As a girl of eighteen, surely she would have been granted a match at least two or three years prior.

His mouth felt dry when he tried to nod his own head in response, and the voice from his mouth came out raspy, “My lady…”

She took her seat at the table without another sound, and Tanaka felt his head swim at the sight of her long, dark eyelashes beating whenever she blinked. Her fork made a small ringing sound against her plate whenever she pierced a slice of meat, and each time she brought it to her lips, Tanaka held his breath. He was not sure he’d ever seen a woman so beautiful, nor so graceful, in all his life. Even the stories of old, with their beautiful princesses and fair maidens, did not hold a candle to her. Her beauty defied all logic, and confused Tanaka.

Why hadn’t she married sooner? He felt himself lucky to be the one with her hand, regardless of whether or not they might get along, but in the back of his head a small doubt manifested itself. She wasn’t barren – his father would have never agreed to the marriage if she was unable to have children. Had she already been taken? He doubted that she had allowed her virginity to anyone else – the way she held herself suggested that she wasn’t interested in fooling around and falling in love with men who might try to have her. Was she ill? She looked in fine health.

And she certainly wasn’t a bastard. Her breeding was of the highest standard, Tanaka thought. 

For the rest of the dinner, between small conversations among her family members and long stares in her direction, Tanaka pondered the reasons why. She wasn’t particularly talkative, but that wouldn’t have been the reason why she had never been promised to another before. What was it…? He supposed he may learn later. He was to spend another moon in the Vale while she gathered her belongings and grew more accustomed to being around him. In that time, Tanaka figured he may be able to ask, and perhaps hear more of her lovely voice.


	2. 2

In the following days, Tanaka made it of the utmost importance that he found the chance to speak with her. While on a normal day, he might practice his combat skills or go off exploring, today his mind was on other topics. Namely, the young Lady Shimizu, whose soft pink lips graced his dreams, mumbling “My lord” on repeat. 

After their first dinner, he was enamored with her. Despite only having said minimum words, Tanaka felt she was the most graceful creature he’d ever met. Dare he even suggest it, there had been a thought in his mind that she must have been a gift of the gods – so perfect and polite in all her ways, that she must have been holy. When he had returned to his room, he splayed himself on the soft pillowy bed and thought about running his fingers through her hair. He held out a hand, imagining the way it might look sliding through his fingers: a deep black, shining and coursing across his tan skin like a river. And how it might feel to hold her, with his hands tight on her narrow waist, her front pressed to his. What she might smell like. Tanaka thought mint suited her well. How would her voice sound if she told him she loved him? 

He’d met women before, but his behavior around them was nothing in comparison to her, he realized. He didn’t try to act any differently around them than he would in the presence of his close friends, which inevitably frightened them off a bit. His loudness and quick temper, while not directed towards them, usually sufficed as enough of a warning to them that they stayed far away. They thought he was frightening, and in some ways he could be. Even at tournaments, he was never a favorite of the ladies, although Tanaka was sure he was much more handsome than some of the older knights. His face wasn’t marred, nor had his body put on any excess weight from drinking and dining in excess.

But those women didn’t really matter, he figured now. In one way or another, they were all shadows compared to the Lady Shimizu. Something about her drew him in and kept him held tight, but he could not place what it exactly it was. True, her beauty was immeasurable, and her attitude refined as befitting a lady, but there was something more that Tanaka felt there. There was a hidden treasure beneath her, and he could sense it. Day and night, he could not look away or think of anything else besides the feeling of her. She had a tight hold on him, whether she knew it or not.

His guards had joked, of course, as they were prone to when they had nothing else to do. The Eyrie was void of taverns and brothels – to find one, the men would have to travel down the side of the mountain again, passing all three waycastles on the back of a goat, and finding the nearest small town. Up here, things were restricted. It was likely due to the landscape, but Tanaka also had a feeling that the Shimizu family probably looked disfavorably upon drinking and fucking in a mad spirit. He could tell that the guards wanted just that, and after having travelled months on end, he too thought they deserved as much.

To tide themselves over, they jested among themselves and flirted with some of the serving girls, trying to flip up their skirts with the tips of their swords. Even Tanaka found himself towards the butt end of the jokes. As soon as he had mentioned his interest in the young lady – even if only briefly – they sought their opportunity to attack.

“Eh, Tanaka said she’s pretty,” one grinned, nudging the other’s shoulder. “But is she a good lay?”

The other guard was a bit rougher around the edges, and Tanaka had learned on the procession north that he had no filter. He pursed his lips together in thought before stating, “Most highborn girls ain’t. They don’t know what to do with themselves. Sure, they’re pretty, and I’d kill to stick my prick in one, but a whore is just as good, too.”

Tanaka tensed, and found himself arguing against them, “She’s a lady. Stop it.”

“Right, but a lady you want to fit inside, nonetheless, eh?” the first guard asked with a glint in his eye. When he smiled, Tanaka could see that he’d chipped a few teeth, and it made his smile ugly and evil-looking.

“Lord Tanaka, the lady fucker,” the other fit in. “Will you try to make her scream? Ah, what a lovely sound it’d be.”

“Stop.”

“Listen, it’s all in good fun. You’ve never had a girl before, have you?” the guard seemed to wait for an answer, but even when he received nothing but a glare, he continued on. “On the way back we can find you a good whore. There’ll be plenty on the way, especially towards the capitol. You can get some experience under your belt first.”

“Aye, and I’m sure the lady will appreciate it, too, won’t she?”

“That’s not—” Tanaka felt his face grow hot but could not say if it was from anger or embarrassment. He had never had a woman before, though he was sure he could have if he had really wanted. But doing so in Hellholt would reflect poorly on his family, and doing anything with a servant girl might risk him being caught. In any case, the fact that women were somewhat scared of him didn’t help.

He hoped Lady Shimizu wouldn’t be afraid. She looked so gentle and soft, clean in comparison to whores and servant girls. She would be kind with him, and he would melt into her. He could practically see it – his tan skin brushing against her own pale, hands nurturing every subtle curve in her figure, hearing her hitch her breath. For a moment, Tanaka could forget that he was annoyed with his guards, and imagined he was with her, instead.

Until he heard a hoot of laughter and came to see them pointing at him.

“Oi, it made your prick stand up already, huh?”

Tanaka looked down and saw it before he had felt it: the hard, hot bulge in his trousers. He quickly pressed a hand to it, but the damage had already been done. He’d been outed. They must have thought he was thinking about whores instead, like the ones in the stories he told who could use their mouths to please a man far beyond anything their lower regions could. And for that assumption, he was a bit more grateful. He couldn’t bear to think what they might taunt about if they had known it was instead the lady he had been picturing. Though it felt stiff and uncomfortable, Tanaka whipped himself around and took off at a sprint back to his room. 

He used his hand to finish himself, too embarrassed that it had happened in the first place to even think of her face again.

By the next moon, they would be returning to the road to travel south again. Their procession was supposed to stop in the capitol to pick up a royal witness for the marriage. The king’s orders had been very clear in this. For some reason or another, it seemed as if he didn’t trust Hellholt or the Vale, and felt they needed to be chaperoned. Someone outside of their groups must witness the marriage, and the king had requested it be a royal attendant. 

No less than to spy on us, Tanaka thought bitterly. He would have been glad to visit the capitol at least once in his life, but not in this way. It was as if he would be walking on nails, constantly suspicious of every movement he made that might not deem him worthy enough. He nor his family were traitors, of course, but even so, being watched so adamantly would make any man nervous. Especially if it was the crown watching him, he was certain to feel anxious about it.

But on the bright side, they would not spend so long in the capitol. Perhaps a week, at most, to refill their supplies and give their polite greetings to those kind to their families. It was all for show – in one day, they would be able to pick up the witness and leave, but appearances were important for those of their birth. 

Tanaka tried to think about what he would be asked to do there. His maester had gone over some of the individuals he might be asked to dine with back in Hellholt, but that had been months ago and since then he had forgotten many of them. There were probably a few smaller lords, merchants, and anyone who his father may have helped during his lordship. He was sure that he would learn who they were and how to interact with them when the time came, but wasting time trying to remember who exactly they were would do him no good.

In any case, the lady was on his mind again, so he couldn’t think about that. Tanaka realized that he must meet with her, or else he may go stir crazy and mad. The way that she kept on his mind was enough to make him dizzy. He felt as though she danced in his head more than he knew. When he slept, he was sure he dreamt of her, even if he could not remember the night’s dreams the morning after. She was a constant fixture in his mind, but as the days past he knew his memory of her grew fainter. Dining together thrice a day helped, but she was always very quiet and passive. Tanaka never had the chance to know her beyond what he saw at the dinner table.

That morning, awaking fresh and energetic, Tanaka set off to find her in the castle. He was certain that he would run into her at some point – even if she was the type to stay still and quiet, she might always feel the need to go for a walk or get some fresh air. 

Never before had he spent so much of his time and effort searching for something, but he felt as if he might burst should he not meet her again. In private, this time – where he could speak more candidly and learn more about her. Surely she would be hoping for the same, since they were to be married and she must want to know more about her husband-to-be.

He checked all of the large rooms in the castle, including the great hall, dining room, kitchen, library, and the courtyard. He could not find her in any of them. Then, he began to look in smaller rooms where he could. Some doors were locked to him, and other wings of the castle barricaded by knights of the Eyrie, but for the most part he was granted extensive access. There was not much to hide to him, it seemed. But regardless of how many guest rooms and servant quarters he had managed to scour by the time the morning bled into the afternoon and the afternoon into the evening, he could not find her.

Until he realized that she had been avoiding him the whole time. It was by chance that he even discovered this much, since she was quiet on her feet and he might have never heard her move at all. But when Tanaka was at the end of his energy and feeling somewhat frustrated in himself, she probably wouldn’t have expected him to begin running around the castle. She wouldn’t have known that he exerted his frustrations physically, whether it be by fight or by running, so of course she wouldn’t have expected him to come bolting around the corner of a hallway in which she had tried to extract herself to. 

Tanaka had hit the corner at full speed, whipping around the great pillars of stone with a force so animalistic that he may have been lost in his own energy and missed her. She stood at the end of the hallway, the pale warm light of the evening passing through fog and windows to grace her face. It bathed her in a filtered light – as if the sun had been passed through hundreds of thick clouds and was now little more than a whisper. It struck across her cheekbones, her forehead, and drowned in the deep green cloak she had wrapped around herself.

When Tanaka stumbled over himself to come to a screeching stop, about halfway down the hallway, he caught her take a nervous step back. He must look wild himself, with reddened cheeks from the wind and his clothes grown messy from all the places he had searched – dirty or not. Her eyes widened and the sight pulled at his heart. 

Finally, she was there. He hardly believed it himself, but the sight was welcome, even if he had spent all day fruitlessly searching for her.

He heaved softly, but through ragged breaths managed, “My lady… Shimizu….”

She stared at him for a moment, watching as he tried to catch his breath. He couldn’t be sure of it, but the look in her face wasn’t fear of him. Despite his unruly appearance and the sheer energy with which he had presented himself in front of her, she didn’t look afraid. Confused, perhaps, but not afraid. 

Her lips tightened into a small line – something beautiful. And then she gave him a soft bow of her head, and slipped out of the hallway down another, her cloak flared out behind her.

“Eh?” Tanaka quirked, his eyebrows drawn together. She wasn’t afraid… but she ran from him nonetheless. Even now, he could hear the soft patter of her feet against the floor, if he listened hard enough.

Confusion gripped him and he caught himself shouting after her, “Wait!”

His feet took off again at a faster pace then before. He turned the corner sharply, feet feeling slick beneath him as he followed that deep green in her coat. He called out to her again, but she was fast in her own way, too. The dress she wore prevented her from taking off at what he thought might be her full speed, but for a while he couldn’t reach her even in it. Still, it stopped her eventually, pulling against her outstretched leg and forcing her to falter over her footsteps for a few moments. It was then that he reached her, his hand outstretched to barely grab her cloak. For a second, it felt like child’s play, when a boy tells a young girl he likes her and she runs away from him. He has to catch her, give her a sloppy kiss, and tell her he meant it. It’s all for fun; the girl likes him back but she doesn’t say so. She just wants him to chase her and catch her.

She’s not like that.

Tanaka gives a gentle tug on the cloak and it’s enough that Shimizu stops. She turns her head sharply behind her, and seeing her face so close makes Tanaka’s breath catch in his throat. He’s certain his mouth hangs open, because at this distance she’s even more beautiful than he could have imagined.

On top of her perfect, untainted skin, her large eyes rimmed with thick dark lashes, small nose, and plush pink lips, a blush marks her cheeks. The rush of running has swept her hair back and loosened the braid she wears, flyaways spread outwards from every tuck. And the mark beneath her lips becomes so much clearer to him – the one thing that would make her imperfect, but it suits her so well and somehow makes her more beautiful still.

“My lord, I apologize,” she nearly whispers, her eyes wider than before and lip quivering. “I—”

Tanaka cannot speak. He cannot chastise her or ask her why she ran. He wants to know, but feels that he shouldn’t, and asking her now may even embarrass her further.

“You’re not real,” he says instead, and after the words leave his mouth he feels a bit dumb. It was a stupid thing to say.

“Not… real?”

“I— didn’t mean that…” he feels embarrassed himself, now, and drops his hold on her cloak. “— You’re beautiful.”

“My lord is too kind,” she looks away as she says it, and Tanaka can’t help but think that it sounds fake, like she’s forcing herself.

“Did I scare you…?”

“No.”

“Then, I— "

“I apologize for avoiding you,” there’s a solemnness in her voice that saddens Tanaka. It’s not the action of avoiding him that seems to hurt, he thinks. Plenty of girls in Hellholt ran from him or thought he was scary, so perhaps he shouldn’t have expected that she would act any differently from him. He wants to give her every right to feel the way she does, even though his heart and body want her to accept him.

“It’s alright,” he manages.

Her eyes lower to the floor. There’s less than a foot of distance between them, but neither has made any effort to move. Not even she, who admitted to avoiding him merely moments ago.

Her lips turn into a frown before she next tries to speak, “It’s not that I’m afraid of you…”

Tanaka feels somewhat relieved when she says that.

“I’m sorry. It’s something else… Can you… please let me go?”

But the relief breaks, as does his hope. “Is my lady feeling well?”

“Yes.”

“Ah.”

He watches her hands, closed tightly into small balls. She seems nervous, and he feels like less of a man for causing it. With a sigh, he closes his eyes and takes a step back away from her. He watches as her shoulders begin to relax and her eyes look him over once again apologetically. 

Then she runs off again.

Tanaka presses his back against the wall and sinks to the floor. What had happened? His chest ached with the feeling that she might now hate him forever, and he would never know the reason why. The way she had asked to be let go made him feel monstrous. He was never the type who would corner a woman and demand anything from her, but Shimizu was distancing herself from him nonetheless, for some reason she might never tell. And he had provoked it further by chasing her. 

Still… he was relieved to see her up close. Even saying goodbye to her felt warm.

\----

Tanaka did not try to talk to her again before they left for the capitol. Somehow, he feared that things might be ruined between them if he did. She continued to avoid him, as she had before, but during meals Tanaka took his time observing her. Every day she grew more beautiful in his eyes, even if it felt like his chances of finding common ground with her dwindled further. She never had second servings of lunch or dinner, and always finished everything that was on her plate in her own time. Although not a slow eater, she was deliberate about cutting her food into manageable pieces before she ever tasted anything. 

And every night she wore something slightly different that suited her perfectly. Tanaka had noticed that most of the clothing in the Eyrie was in subdued colors of green and blue. The world up here was gray and cold, and this reflected itself in much of the clothing – dim shades of blue, topped with gray cloaks and gray fur. The dining hall was rather warm, though, so cloaks weren’t always worn here. Even Tanaka had become accustomed to the climate by now and didn’t wear his cloak at the table. 

Shimizu always wore something a bit lighter, befitting her youth. While her parents were typically dressed in darker shades, she wore light blue dresses that looked like ice and frost – things Tanaka had never seen before but could imagine they might have the same color of. It fit her body snugly and complemented her coloring well.

He loved seeing her.

She was delicate in every way, even after their procession had left the Eyrie and begun to make headway for the capitol. At first, Tanaka did not see much of her. She rode in a covered carriage at the request of her family. Even surrounded by her own guards, she needed privacy around so many men. Tanaka felt bad that she hadn’t been able to bring her friends along – all she had with her were her dresses, small things to remind her of her family, and a serving girl called Yachi. 

Yachi was nice enough, he thought, but she was utterly terrified of everything and couldn’t hide it well. Apparently she had never left the Eyrie in her life, because even the frogs chirping at night made her go pure white with fear. She, too, avoided most of the guards, and either rode inside or next to the carriage that the lady was inside. Tanaka was certain they’d chat about girl things when they rode together, but any time he sped his horse up or slowed down to pass the carriage, he heard nothing.

When Lady Shimizu rode out with the rest of the procession, he felt even worse. At times he had tried to slide himself near to her, be it alongside her or even slightly behind, keeping a watchful gaze, but she didn’t seem to notice. If she did notice, she never spoke to him. Her hands gripped the reins of her horse a bit tighter, and he could see her knuckles go white. But otherwise, her face suggested nothing of fear or discomfort. She simply rode along steadily, eyes trained directly ahead.

And on occasion – though he was ever so careful to do this – he would try to converse with her.

“My lady looks lovely today,” he tried, as gently as possible, urging his horse on towards her.

“My lord wastes words,” she would respond in a toneless voice. “I’m not worthy of them.”

“Ah,” he blinked. “You look lovely every day.”

“I’m sure I do not—” 

“I think so,” he would say, and turn his head towards her. He might catch a glimpse of her gaze, but as soon as it had passed over him it returned back to the road ahead.

“Then you are kinder than you look,” it seemed to be an end to the conversation. He didn’t look kind.

Tanaka obliged to her wishes and fell back a few paces, giving her some space. Since their incident back at the Eyrie, things had felt just a bit off, and Tanaka could neither place his finger on the reason why nor think of how to resolve it. Shimizu was civil with him, and now she didn’t show any signs of being disturbed by him, but at the same time it was just that – only civil. She shared nothing of herself like he might’ve liked to hear, and only spoke for as long was polite with him. In the end, everything she had said was empty. He couldn’t feel that they were growing closer at all.

One night, at an inn, he had gathered her some berries outside and set the bowl of them in front of her. She usually ate a bit later than the rest of the men travelling, to avoid being cramped in, and sat with Yachi to the side. It was a gesture of kindness, Tanaka had thought – some way to at least bridge the gap between them without using words. He had thought that she might respond better to actions, like he did.

However, she took one short look at them and pushed the bowl back towards him. “Nightshade. They’re poisonous, my lord.”

“Oh… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—” Tanaka grabbed the bowl back quickly. “I wasn’t trying to harm you, I promise.”

Her eyes gazed at him blankly. He couldn’t tell what she was thinking, and even Yachi seemed to be a bit too shocked to be of help, either. Of course, she would think that Tanaka was trying to poison her lady – it was always the worst possible outcome that seemed to pop into her mind first, like assassins waiting in the bushes when she heard a shuffle of leaves or a horrible wild boar come to kill them all when one of the guards gave a gruff cough farther down the procession.

“Be careful,” Shimizu said instead, and nodded her head to him.

She must have known that he was not from this region of the country and would not have known any better. Unlike him, Lady Shimizu probably had a better understanding of geography and landscape. While he could not have even placed the Vale on a map, she was sure to know exactly where Hellholt and all of its minor territories were. She simply gave off the aura that she knew and was highly educated, and in a way his guess was confirmed by the way she could place a berry after only having seen it for a few seconds.

Tanaka wondered whether or not she knew about the plants in Dorne, too. There were cacti, of course, but smaller shrubby bushes, and a number of crops that were still able to be grown in desert climates, too. Perhaps when they arrived she might point them out. They were beautiful, in their own way. They might not have complimented her unique, northern mountainous beauty, but Tanaka still felt them beautiful, too. He hoped she would like them.

He took the bowl of berries with him when he left, deciding that a walk outside the inn in the cool air might refresh him. That, and he had to piss, too, and chamber pots in the inn that were shared among the guards didn’t seem like the most appealing choice with a warm belly full of food now. 

Tanaka pressed against the heavy wooden door of the inn and, in the darkness, found a bush at the side of the building. They were close to the capitol, he had surmised, and the landscape was becoming a bit warmer and more lush. There were more bushes and trees, more grasses, and more animals outside than there had been before. He spied a bush that had looked semi-acceptable and tossed the berries into it. 

Then, setting the bowl down on the ground beside his right boot, he unlaced his trousers and was about to piss out into the bush when a shy, female voice caught him by surprise.

“A-ah, excuse me, my lord?”

Tanaka almost slipped out of his own hands, fumbling to force his dick back into his trousers and pull them tight again before he could turn around. The sound was from right behind him, growing closer, and he desperately hoped that he wouldn’t look so unrefined when he turned around to meet it. 

He whipped himself around to face her, knowing full well that he must be red in the face. Luckily, the voice hadn’t come from Lady Shimizu. He hadn’t expected it to, in any case. This voice quivered slightly and sounded unsure of itself. In comparison, Shimizu’s was strong and poised. She wouldn’t have stuttered over herself in quite the same way.

Instead, it was her servant Yachi, who looked on at Tanaka with a fearful expression on her face. Of course, if Lady Shimizu wasn’t afraid of him, there was bound to be someone else who was. In fact, Yachi seemed to take on twice the fear, as if to suffice for both of them. As he looked at her now, he noticed the shaking in her small frame, and the ways her knees seemed to wobble. They might give out if he took a step further.

But he knew better, so he remained where he was and tried to look as friendly as he could muster given his naturally harsh features. 

“M-my lord?” she repeated again.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, g-good, it’s you,” her eyes were wide and blinking often, like a frightened deer trapped by a wolf who was looking for the path to escape. “I w-worried it might have been s-someone else.”

“It’s not…” he gave a dry chuckle. “You came up on me by surprise, though.”

“O-oh! My apologies, my lord! I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine.”

Yachi looked at her feet and bit her lip. She seemed to be mulling over a decision in her mind before she could say anything else to him. She blinked a few times, then raised her finger to scratch her cheek nervously, “A-actually, I wanted to talk to you about the Lady Shimizu, if it pleases my lord.”

She knew it would please him. On account of her skiddishness around everything and everyone, Tanaka had never approached the girl before, although she was the closest person to Shimizu outside of her own family. She spent day and night with the lady and must have at least some knowledge of what was on her mind. If not that, she could at least tell him a bit more about the lady, like what her favorite foods were and what she liked to do to pass time.

Tanaka would make sure that she had all of her favorite foods and anything she needed for her activities at Hellholt. He would make it, so to speak, less of a “Hell” for her. If she was meant to live the rest of her life in his homeland, so far from her own without a soul to accompany her beyond her maids, he would be certain to give her whatever she wished. In return, if she could grant him a smile, it would be enough.

But why was Yachi going out of her way to talk to him? In any other situation, he couldn’t imagine her breaking from her shell enough to do so, although every time he had spoken to her he had been nothing if not gentle. 

Perhaps she, too, had worried that Shimizu would not get along well with Hellholt. In this effort, she and he could work together to provide for Shimizu, so that she might enjoy her new life. Tanaka wanted if not anything for her to be happy with him. No matter how many times she may give him curt, short answers or avoid him when possible, it was something he still hoped for. He wanted to prove that he could be good enough to sway whatever doubts or concerns she had of him.

And Yachi had known her longer, too. Maybe she was one of the maids who truly cared for their ladies, like wet nurses who had seen the children grow and as such had a certain fondness for them. Tanaka had learned that she was younger than her lady, but the principle still seemed to apply. She would have been alive to have seen Shimizu blossom from a girl into a woman, and may even know the deep secrets of her childhood that had been lost over time.

He felt his heartbeat rise, and he pinched his lips together tightly. This was lucky.

“What about?” he tried to keep calm and act as though he was not bursting with curiosity and excitement. “She’s… been very quiet with me.”

“As is her way,” Yachi nodded. “My lady is a quiet soul. She likes reading and sewing more than she does chatting. She says it’s more peaceful in silence.”

“I see…”

“A-ah, but that wasn’t… wasn’t what I wanted to talk about with you,” the maid girl shook her little head, her messy blonde hair spilling half out of its ponytail. “It’s—well, my lord, I hope this wouldn’t reflect poorly on me, but the lady did tell me what had happened in the Eyrie.”

“—Oh.”

She meant the incident, where Shimizu had admitted to avoiding him. But she hadn’t been afraid. It was, instead, a reason she couldn’t seem to tell him. There was something else there that held her back and made her feel as if she had to keep her distance from him. Tanaka hadn’t known what.

“Er… Yes,” Yachi stumbled over her words again, turning her eyes downward. “It just—she was stressed and she often talks to me about her problems, since I listen. So after it happened, she came back to her room and explained.”

Tanaka could not even manage a full word as a reply. His eyebrows drew together and instead he hummed an affirmation that he understood her, “Mm.”

“N-not that I asked her! She told me!”

He was silent in response. To be honest, he didn’t really mind what was spoken about him to maids. At Hellholt, a number of rumors had surfaced in the kitchens and about cleaning staff about him. It was nothing new to a young lord. Maids were able to hear things that many shouldn’t, and with such a boring life, of course they were prone to gossiping. It did not hurt him.

He only worried about what Shimizu thought of him. Her opinion was what mattered the most. 

“B-but, well, my lord,” Yachi looked as though she was sweating. “The lady was… to be wed, before. To another lord.”

Tanaka’s eyes burned holes into her head and she yelped, covering her hands with her face.

“I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it— I thought it would help explain, though, s-since it’s not fair to you to not know, b-but it wasn’t good to say, either, a-and I—”

“No,” he said firmly. “Tell me.”

It was the explanation for why she had avoided him, and also the explanation as to why she wasn’t already married. At her age and with both a face and figure like hers, he was shocked that she had not already been promised and wed to another man. A number of plausible explanations tried to work their way into his head, and not only of them reflected positively on her. He was sure that it hadn’t been her fault, though, so nothing could explain it.

Except that she had been promised before. He hadn’t considered it before, thinking now that if it had happened, that man must have wanted to marry her immediately. Any man sound of mind and body would have taken one look at her and decided he must marry her – such a treasure couldn’t wait. Her beauty was unbeaten and her poise unmatched. He was certain that whoever had been betrothed to her before must have been a foolish man to have let her go.

Though he didn’t, apparently. Yachi told the story of her lady’s marriage arrangements slowly and thoughtfully, as if she thought that one mistake in the story would anger Tanaka or confuse him. She was cautious of her words and her tone, and spoke nothing to suggest that it had been Lady Shimizu’s fault at all. Rather, the circumstances had been unfortunate for the man to begin with.

“His name was, ehm, Sawamura… from Karhold. He was the same age as my lady, and skilled in b-battle, too. They said he had fought in his first war at fourteen, and k-killed almost ten men…”

Tanaka felt himself tighten in the jaw without realizing it. The fool had also fought in wars – which was more than he could say for himself. He already had more accomplishments in battle, and closer to Shimizu’s age than he was. He didn’t think that Yachi would ever say anything about how handsome he may have been, but it wouldn’t be surprising if he was that, too.

He nodded to her so that she would continue.

“He came down to the Eyrie with a procession of s-soldiers and brought gifts from the North. I— I’m not really sure what happened, but he and my lady grew close,” she gave an audible gulp. “T-they often took walks together and read in the library i-in one another’s company.”

“I see.”

“W-well, they were supposed to be married within the month of my lady’s turning s-sixteen, b-but Lord Sawamura was called to aid in a s-skirmish back north,” at this point, Yachi looked as if she might cry, and Tanaka felt himself frowning at the sight. Even if she was weak of heart, she was still kind. Anyone could tell that by the way she looked and cared for her lady, she truly meant every sentiment of admiration for her. To see her growing upset was difficult in itself. “H-he left and said he would come back soon, b-but the Eyrie received a raven saying that he had died in the attack. A-and after two years, he didn’t return…”

Tanaka was quiet. 

The fool had died. He wasn’t really a fool at all – just some unlucky man who had been killed in battle before he had the chance to marry her. 

“— I’m sorry to hear that,” Tanaka said, and he meant it. Any man who died in battle was considered a brave one, Tanaka thought, even if he was on the opposing side. And he felt for Sawamura, who as it seemed had a better relationship with the Lady Shimizu than he did now. If he had been in Sawamura’s shoes, certainly he would feel his life a tragedy. In one moment, everything was lovely and he had been spending time with the beautiful woman he would one day be able to call his own wife, and the next he was caught in the back by an axe or a sword and toppling off his horse to his death.

It made sense why Shimizu wouldn’t have wanted to grow closer, he thought, though the idea still pained him. She wasn’t aware of how much he thirsted for battle, too, and if she knew she would surely try to keep even more distance between them. Losing two men in the span of two years would prove difficult for any woman, even one so well-tempered as herself. He mustn’t tell her of his plans to fight. It might unnecessarily worry her, and he would not cause her any more suffering than she had already had. 

“She’s still sad, I think,” Yachi said with downturned eyes. “She’s trying to keep her distance this time, b-but I don’t think it’s good for her. S-she needs to talk to people…”

Tanaka turned his body halfway, but left enough room for his voice to carry, “I’ll try.”

They would soon be reaching the capitol. The change of pace would be different, as would the atmosphere. He might be able to talk to her then, with a small gift or two to show that his intentions were kind. Because in spite of how unkind he looked, he still thought himself a good person. 

And Shimizu should be happy, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one flowed a bit better. Next chapter: in the capitol >:3c

**Author's Note:**

> I may re-write this chapter because it reads pretty quickly. Sorry about that...


End file.
